And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
