I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
