I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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