bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
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looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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