it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am one with the molecules
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