I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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