I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
