i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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