She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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