I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
