His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
