I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Someone shit on the floor
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
