You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
