you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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