I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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