can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
