I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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