I look better un-naked...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
