Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize