You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
