Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
