Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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