he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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