nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
