What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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