Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
