so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This toilet bowl is my home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
