When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
