Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
