I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.