We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
