I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
