When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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