while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
