at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
