Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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