so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
