worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
