All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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