You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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