I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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