well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
3pm strippers are depressing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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