The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
