its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
two words...techno handjob
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
