Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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