I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
