Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
