alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize