Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you traded sex for a burrito?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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