wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
