Sponge bath it is.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
