You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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