its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
