hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
