How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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