I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
